From a wounded Princess

I am the most beautiful and pleasant young lady in the entire town. So beautiful, attractive, radiant, full of life and energy. how do I know, because i am the joy of my mother, the pride of my father, and the desire of men. Even beauty couldn’t resist me. Whenever I walk, heads not only turns, emotions tingle.

My name is Tamar. The Princess of Israel.

I was on my way to the Chapel on a Sunday morning, when I met my half brother on his to the chapel as well.

Ammon: Tamar darling! How are you doing. So good to see you. Looking sweet and beautiful as always

Thank you Brother, I replied smiling sheepishly

(He gave me a hug and a peck)

The kind of hug he gave me, was too intimate and illicit. But I never read any meaning to it. Just like we do today. For every intimate closeness, tryfind out what the undertone is. You can! You are a lady! Trust me, you can if you listen well, you will hear it loudly.

Can I walk with you to the church? He asked with so much emotions in his tone.

Yeah! Why not.

After all, he is my brother, I thought

As we walk into the chapel, heads turned as they look at my pinky flowing Princess gown with a fuscia fascinator matching with my high eel stony sandal. Walking gallantly in the hall, I made my way to the front roll. As a Princess, walking in with a Prince,  we both sat at  the front row beside Dad and Mum.

During the service, guys were winking at me, but Ammon’s eyes caught them first and before I knew what’s going on, they take their gaze away. Feeling defended, I would smile at him.

When the service was over, Ammon said to me: “thank you for making me feel like a man” I was amazed at such pronouncement. But, all I did was smile and replied, “You are welcome”

It’s like Ammon was dotting me, almost every where I go, he’s always there and most cases to save me from guys’ harassment. I felt defended any time he is around. I rarely have male friends. In short, I don’t have.

We grew fond of each other and before long, it was hard for me to walk alone without my guiding angel, Ammon.

I would send my aid to his house to inform him the time I would be going out, at times give him a call.

We would gist and gist.

I was in the midst of my friends when my father sent for me to inform me Ammon was sick and that I should go and check on him and also cook for him.

Been that I’ve been used to him and the fact that I have to obey my father,  also, I dont mind spending some time with him in his house. I quickly put on my Princess apparel and ran to his house. When I got there, he was shaking on the bed. And with so much compassion, I prepared a hot tea for him. Gave him to drink and quickly prepare some cake as well. He requested I serve him in his room, which was where he was lying down. At the same time, he sent all his aide out. As I gave him a piece of cake, he took it ate it and profess how delicious and satisfying it is. touching me passionately, I felt uncomfortable by the touch, but trusted that he’s my brother. I was so glad he loved the cake. I managed to give a sheepish laugh. As I was about giving him the second piece, he grabbed my hand and request that I have sex with him…I couldn’t believe my ears. I reminded him, it’s me, his half sister who he always protect from guys harassment. He was touching me in the most sensitive parts of my body. And because it’s just the two of us in the room, I knew the chances of getting away is low. I told him, it’s fine, I was ready to have sex with him if he can request from the King(our Father) that I should marry him, by doing it the right way, at least he should allow Dad to hand me over to him in the right manner.

He was too moved by lust, he wouldn’t listen to me…then, he raped me. I couldn’t even struggle.

I was so bitter and heartbroken.

When he had a feel of me and satisfy himself, he asked that his servant to throw me out. I felt bad and told him, this act of sending me away in this shameful way is more disgraceful than the act of rape itself.

…What do you think I did wrong?

Mistake 1: I could feel And even saw that something was not right, yet, I kept quiet. I was so ”intelligently dull”. He saw I was naïve, took advantage of me and messed up my life. I could have had it better if I had been able to read between the lines.

If I wasn’t craving and enjoying protection from a wolf, I would have been more sensitive.

Mistake 2: I trusted the wrong person and fell on the wrong side, shattered and broken into pieces beyond repairs. But, God can fix me, can’t He?

Mistake 3: I was confident in my beauty and let down my guard. I didn’t even hear the warnings of the Holy Spirit when he was telling me he is not someone I can trust. Holy Spirit, please forgive me and help me.

Learn from me, I am a broken Princess, but my story can help you.

When you perceive or feel that something is not right with someone’s kindness or closeness, please keep off, RUN! Even before you pray. Most cases, when you create that gap, it helped you to be emotionally stable and spiritually alert to pray and receive God’s instructions. When you sense something is wrong, react  against it, he will get the signal. If he doesn’t, its time to say good bye.

Always PRAY against RAPE!

To read the full story of my life, click to read 2 Samuel 13